Updating U

I'm not even going to try to explain the last entry in case somebody reads it and recognizes it and starts going all weirdo-stalker on me, becuz it would give out my position on the map. Wow. I sounded like a real and true IDIOT when i said that. Forgive me- I'm in a mood.

At the present moment in time I am reading the most hilarious and stupid book on the face of this known planet- The Year of Secret Assignments. Now, I'm only on the second chapter, but I'm already cracking up and I can tell it's going to be a good book, probably with some kind of sassy ending.

Yes, I read that much.

WOW!!! that was weird and awesome at the same time. I will now copy an excerpt from the second chapter into this entry, because it is so amazingly and stupidly funny.
This is a letter written by Emily's father, whom, as you may see in a moment, is a lawyer. As is her mother.

Dearest Emily,
I write to keep you informed of the progress of your parents and to provide you with advice for your weekend. I shall begin with the progress of your parents.
Your mother is currently
A- blow-drying her hair
B-shouting something inaudible down the stairs and
C- cranky (Because I lost the plane tickets)
Your father is currently
A- Eating a banana
B- writing this letter to you and
C- happy (Because I just found the plane tickets, right here in the fruit bowl!)
Your mother has now switched off her hair dryer. For your information, her shouting has become audible and is to the following effect:
"Have you found the tickets yet? What are you doing? Are you even looking? Benjamin! Can you hear me? I think that's the taxi! Are you still writing the note to Emily? How can it take so long!? Have you tried the kitchen table?"
I shall now move on to my advice for your weekend. In drafting this advice, I have kept the following in mind:
A- you will be here at home without your adoring parents
B- You will, instead, be in the company of Cassie and Lydia and
C- Lydia is nothing but trouble.
I am pleased that you will have Cassie and Lydia's company this weekend and ask that you say 'hi' to them from me. However, I must now advise, in the strongest possible terms, that you:
A- eat proper food
B- have some nice chats with Cassie and
C- sing loudly when Lydia speaks, and cover your ears.
Incidentally, you may recall that you have a younger brother. As usual, he will be staying with Auntie June for the weekend, so please do not panic if he is not in his room. If, however, he is in his room you should panic and call Auntie June.
I will now conclude by saying that your mother just tripped halfway down the stairs because she was wearing a single high-heeled shoe. It is a lesson in the danger of doing things by halves. She is all right, however, and is chuckling happily to herself, as if a very funny thing just happened. I hereby confirm that your mother is a lovely, cheerful woman, most of the time.
Your mother has stopped laughing to ask that I remind you not to set off the smoke alarm.
If you have any questions or comments, please do not hesitate to contact us at the Annual Taxation Lawyers' Conference. In the meantime, I wish you all the best, look forward to seeing you again on Sunday night, and remain,
Your Loving Father,
Signed, Sealed, and Delivered,
Benjamin A Thompson.
Attached and marked with the letter A are the contact details of our conference.
Attached and marked with the letter B is Auntie June's phone number.
Attached and marked with the letter C is a photograph of your mother and me, which I just found here in this marvelously fruitful fruit bowl. This photo will remind you what your parents look like. Doesn't your mother look gorgeous? (She is the one in the hat)!

WOW. What a loving, adoring family. I wonder if he TALKS like a lawyer all the time, too, even to his kids. I wonder how old the little brother is. Emily's in high school, so.... Yeah, that's crazy.