45 I likes I loves

1. I like the way he grins
2. I like how he laughs
3. I like how he shakes his whole head to get his hair into place
4. and how he sneaks peeks at me in the theater to see if I like the film.
5. I like his voice
6. and his eyes and they way they look when he laughs.
7. I love how he is so shy and so quiet
8. I love they way he holds doors open for girls
9. and how easily embarassed he is.
10. I like his sense of humor
11. and the fact that he doesn't understand sarcasm.
12. I like his patience
13. and his truthfulness
14. and how much he is willing to put up with.
15. I love his taste in music
16. and movies
17. and how we can argue about anything
18. and everything
19. and nothing
20. and each other.
21. I love how we don't watch the movie when we watch movies
22. and I love how when he's tired and puts his head down he peeks up at me through his arms.
23. I love the look in his eyes when he does that
24. and the way he smiles when I say something stupid and/or embarassing.
25. I like the feeling of his arm across my shoulder
26. and around my waist
27. and I love the feeling of his arms around me.
28. I like how he knows when he is annoying me and knows how ot turn it into a laugh
29. and the way he trips over his own words.
30. I love how he can't stand the Awkward Question Game
31. And I love how he loves our games of Truth.
32. I love how he puts up with me hitting him (in good nature)
33. and how terrible he is at mocking me
34. and I love how he insists he's not smart when I KNOW he knows he is
35. and how many messages we send on Facebook applications about nothing.
36. I like how times passes with him
37. and how he insists that he is superior
38. even though every time he admits I am right
39. and the next day will start again.
40. I like the way he is so good at sports and never lets on
41. and the way he ignores the fact that I can't shoot a basketball to save the world.
42. I like the way he puts up with mushyness, just for me
43. and the way he gets so freaked about ghosts
44. and isn't afraid of cuddling.
45. I love the way he makes me love myself.

Letter to Emily:

I hate drama. i hate banging it out and complaining and fighting. I just wanna hang out and laugh it up with my friends. And I know everyone says that but I REALLY mean it! Anyway, the only drama that's ever really entered my life is always centered around or otherwise created by my best friend, Emily. People ask WHY I'm friends with her, and the answer, i don't rightly know. but I love her like my own sister, sometimes MORE than the younger one, even if she drives me crazy. So, instead of biting her head off and shooting her in the face on Monday at school in compensation for all the stress and anxiety problems she's caused me in the past two years, I'm going to write a letter. One she will never read, if I'm lucky enough, but at least I can get some feelings out.
Dear Emily:
Okay. I don't know how exactly to start this at all, but I'm hoping once I get up my steam I can finally just get on and go and keep going until it's all out and done. Emily, I'm sorry that you feel I owe you an apology. I'm sorry that you get pissed at every little thing and I have to fix it all unless I want to hear about it for weeks. I know I don't have to- at first I WANTED to, but now, I'm EXPECTED too. Big different from wanting to, don't you think? now it's a sort of duty I have to perform daily, fixing whatever is up with your screwy emotions and your overly-dramatic lifestyle, and quite frankly it's a tiring job. Exhausting, actually. And do you know what that means? I'm tired of fixing you. I'm tired of having to console you over every little thing that happens, and I'm tired of you not caring when something bad happens in MY life. or, at least, you ACT like you don't care. maybe you don't know what to do about it, maybe you don't understand my problem, or maybe I'm insane, but you realize I'm human too and I think I deserve a little consolation every once in a while. because even I can be SAD, believe it or not. Even I can be ANGRY. I KNOW you've seen me get pissed, I don't know why you're so surprised every time I do. I'm sorry, Emily, that you feel overshadowed by everyone in your life because your dad plays music, your sister's pretty, and I write a lot, even though you can sing like an angel/hellchild. I'm sorry that you feel the need to come to me whenever you find out the boy you've been in love with for less than 48 hours has a girlfriend. i'm sorry that your recent boyfriend hasn't texted you in four hours and that you blame yourself, because of COURSE that's my fault. i'm sorry you don't want to HEAR about my boyfriend, even though I listen to you talk about yours allllll daaaayyyy loooonnnng, JUST because you broke up with him. IN SECOND GRADE. I'm sorry that your friend Alexis is too dramatic and I'm sorry that you feel left out when you leave to go sit on my porch instead of hang with us. I'm sorry that I'm writing this so crazy and that maybe I'm hurting your ever-so-sensetive feelings, but forgive me, Emily, for this letter, because I have not pulled a fight with you for the entire two years we've known each other. i'm sorry you feel so horrible about your family, one mom and one dad who love you very much, and one gorgeous sister who is also your best friend, when my family drives me crazy every day yelling and screaming at me for reasons I don't understand. I'm also sorry that you complain that i never confide in you when you never give me a CHANCE to. i'm sorry you're so image-obsessed that you complain about every little detail when I repeat to you over and over that it doesn't matter while I stand before you, disheveled but still comfortable. I'm sorry you're SO POOR that you get concert tickets every couple weeks and you're jealous of my money when I get hand me downs AND hand me ups from both ends, yet never have money to buy you a decent birthday present. i'm SORRY your dad is out of a job and you hate it, even though you've never even ASKED about the merger that may send my family and I to Chicago after I FINALLY made some friends and got a life for myself. i'm sorry everything you own is so crappy and disappointing when my seven year old MP3 player is scratched and skips and missing headphones and a battery back and my phone is falling apart and is so old they don't sell new batteries anymore, which it desperately needs, while you have two iPods and a brand new cell phone along with a TV and game system set up in your room. I am sorry you feel I have to apologize to you. Because I feel that I owe you nothing. Maybe it's selfish of me, because I'm only seeing one side of this story. I do realize that you have your side to tell as well, but I've heard it all, Em, and yet you have heard nothing of mine. You don't know about the special game Sam and I play, because you never asked and you shut your ears every time i try to tell you. You don't know about my dad because whenever I say something you're absorbed in your depressing, heartbroken poetry. You don't know I write my OWN poetry because you never read it, only force me to read yours, which I am HAPPY to do, only because you think I'm a good writer and somehow dislike this, even though it is pretty much my only talent except for applying makeup, which i hate wearing, and typing really fast. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry that you know nothing of me, really, though you THINK you know my every thought. Well, Emily, read these thoughts of mine. And tell me. If.
I.
Should.
Be.
Sorry.
but don't worry. It won't last. because I love you, and you know I love you, and you've put up with me, so you must love me. because we have similar taste in music and movies and shows and never run out of anything to talk about and we always have fun together even if we're bored and we never fight though we may bicker. you're my soul sister, Emily, and I forgive you nothing, because you don't need to be forgiven. I just think I don't need to be forgiven for anything, either. I hope I haven't, and I hope I'm a sister to you, too, because if not, it might break my heart.
Monday we'll laugh and talk and sing together, talk about the Phantom of the Opera and what's going on in your relationship. and I'll smile, and you have to know it'll be genuine. Because this letter now is making me cry for the first time in a year- 365 days of dry eyes, maybe more. This was my release- let it be yours.
Loving you like a forever-soul-sister,
Jennifer

VloggettyNO

(B I like that post title.
So today had been kinda BLERGH except for the fact that it's after-testing-before-final-project-grade-of-the-year-time OR, as I like to so expertly call it, ATBFPGOTYT. Which I do not believe has an acronym. PHAILbut anyways....
I feel like I should be falling apart right now, but I'm relatively calm. I just don't know anymore, really. I felt like things were getting better, I felt like someone threw a rope down for me to get out of the rut. You know? But I think I slipped on the way up and I can't find the rope anymore, because I'm back at aquare one and I don't know what the heck I'm doing. I know it sounds like emo-ism and I'm trying to make it sound better, but there's really no other way to say it. I'm BORED. And I have these secrets weighing me down, secrets I can't even post HERE, on a blog that no one even reads. The family is insane, as always, so I can't count on them for help, even my usually half-okay older sister. And that's just where it started when I fell back into the rut. My writing's gone. AGAIN. And somehow all my plans just fell apart and yet I keep making these empty promises to more and more people.
Wow this is getting depressing.
Well, guess what, it gets worse.
You know, with the economy thing going on, money is tough and businesses are struggling, which is why a lot of people think it's awesome that United will be merging with Continental Airlines to create the BIGGEST airline in the US- maybe the WORLD. Cool, right? As long as the gov'nt approves it, that is. But no. For my family and I, it ain't so hot. Because my dad just happens to be a mechanic working for Continental, and though he has pretty much close to the MOST seniority and DEFINITELY the most skill and work ethic out of these employees, when it comes down to the long run, that stuff doesn't count. We could be moved to another city, or he could get laid off. In which case we'd go broke, because my mom's job doesn't pay nearly enough for the five of us. Unless we sell Leah....
KIDDING.
Sort of.
B)
But anyways. Who knows? Maybe nothing will happen at all. For now, my mom says we won't know anything for practically a year. So why can't I relax? I dunno. Maybe I'm justed stressed in general because my grades are dropping.... BAD. That's something ELSE digging me into a ditch. Math and gym. WHO GETS A C IN GYM? HONESTLY. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SHOW UP.
*Sigh*
Like I said.... I just don't know anymore.
Besides that, happy things will be happening, which I'm hoping will distract me. My friends and I (who may or may not be separated soon. The best friends I've ever had, whom I only met LAST YEAR.........................................) have the roleplay notebooks for our original characters, which is great and tons of fun, but not exactly distracting. They are passed around just too quickly. And then we have the cedar point trip, which'll be fun BUT stressful because the girls I'm with don't seem to like me too much... they get bipolar with our friendship =\ And after that is THE most positive part of my future so far. The same friends (;_; dontthinkaboutitdontthinkaboutitdontthinkaboutit) and I have planned out this ENTIRE weekend right after the cedar point trip where we head out to this convention, stay at one's place overnight, head right back. We're going to ALL the panels and special events and meeting ALL the people we've obsessed over since seventh grade =) It'll be AWESOME! Now THAT'S something that can distract you from bad news, innnit? Especially when I need to get busy with mah cosplay ;D
Not hints. Pictures after the convention though. PROMISE!!! Hey. Maybe I'll even video a bit. Post it for ya when I get back.
For now, crossing my fingers that all goes well. Are you?

BLARHGHSAJDHASDHSJAKDAS STOP IT B|

She's BAAAA-AAAAAAACK.
Kinda sorta not really =) HI AGAIN! HOLY CRAP IT'S BEEN FOREVAH. I should video-post. I should vlog. I really should. BUT I DON'T WANNA. SO HA.
And no, I'm not on crack. I've just changed. And been hanging around with different people. And learned how to live an actual life. Like, where you go places and do things and meet people and have FUN? Yeah, THAT kinda life. *Gasp*! WHO KNEW I COULD DO SUCH A THING?!?!?
*Cough*ahem* .............. yeah.
I titled this post... erm.... I can't retype that. I'm too lasy to paste. I titled it what I titled it because for some strage reason I keep getting spam e-mail asking me if I want a penis enlargement. Actually, screatch that, they want to sell me Pen1s En1arg3m3nts. Over and over and over. NO, OKAY!?!?!?!! NO, I DO NOT WANT TO ENLARGE MY NONEXISTENT MAN-GENITALS. LEAVE ME ALONE. DEAR BABY JEEBUS.
In other news, I have been doing many things. I joined the world in it's phenomenon of social networking and got myself a Facebook. It's quite entertaining. Part of the reason I'm, actually posting this at... hm.... what time.... 12:31 AM. And. Yeah. I'll probably be up much later, watching Chuggaaconroy's Pokemon guide videos, SSxEPhil's PDA and his new show, NSFW, and a whole buncha ShaneDawnsonTV, which was actually introduced to me this afternoon by Demyx. That kid is random. Scary-random and sometimes gross. But I freaking love him. He's hilarious. Most of the time (B wow that face looks retarded. KIND OF LIKE MINE. But whatever. If my Facebook isn't linked in the sidebar, AS IF ANYONE'S READIN THIS TO LOOK, it will be when I'm through with it. *Cocks gun*
*Ahem*
Andrea's rubbed off on me.
SO JENN, WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?
Holy crap I typed my name. Welcome, internet stalkers. Heheh. I'm sleepy.
Well..... what newses can I tell you that won't bore you to tears? I PUBLISHED A BOOKno not really. That would be fun though. And this stupid thing would probably be WAAAAAAY more interesting. But yeah.
Well, I have been watching crap on Youtube and Facebooking, but other than that.... my hiphop class is going good, school is a bit downhill but don't worry I am PICKING UP THE PIECES. I will move on to next year with my friends or so help me I will be stuck in the same grade as Ryan Soldano. *Shudders* I would rather die than have English class with the little creep. Is that mean? Well, I'm already going to hell. What do I care????
In other newses, I have FRIENDS. Isn't it WEIRD? Not only that, but do you remember the SECRET I posted in the last You Wish? If you don't, UNCARE. You don't need to. If I know you, you probably already know that the YOU WISH CAME TRUE. About Him. Yeah. Three months ago. Exactly today. Yeah =))))))))
I have also joined these forums on this old Canadian kids' show called Class of the Titans, not actually up on cable or anything anymore I believe but you can check it out on Youtube, it's adorable, very cheesy, but I love Greek Mythology and on these forums you can create your own original characters and roeplay and such, and it's AMAZINGLY fun! If you like mythology and dirty jokes (Not IN the show, on the forums ;) ) then check it out! For some retarded reason (I have to stop saying retarded..... it's horrible) it won't let me post the link, so I'll type it out for ya. Because I'm frigging thoughtful like that. http://www.activeboard.com/, and you have to find Class of the Titans on your own. Sorry!!! and it's CLASSSSSSS. Not CLASH. CLASS. Kay? Mkay.
On a weekend in the not-so-distant future my entire grade will be going to CEDAR POINT for a fun class trip! But, unfortunately, the school board said, "HOLD ON. We're spending money on these kids' FUN?!?! FUCK NO. No way. They need to do WORK."
So we're doing packets on physics. In an amusement park. That'll be fun. well, actually, I'm hoping we can MAKE it fun. We'll see.
The two days after that I will be spending with my two bestestestestestestRAPE friends ever- the ENTIRE weekend with them at COLOSSALCON AAAAHHHHHHGHGHGHGHGH *cheers*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stalking Vic Mignogna =3 It'll be a blast.
Other than that, lemme hit you with some quickies here:
A) I've been obsessed with Sarah Dessen's books as of late, great stories, READ THEM OR I WILL CONSUME YOUR FIRSTBORN CHILD. no not reall. I'm not a cannibal. That'd be SILLY.
B) I got a new camera and I've been obsessively taping and videoing random shiz. I plan to post our trip to NYC if possible.
C) I FUDGING LOVE NEW YORK I'M GOING TO LIVE AND DIE THERE. The people the places the sights the smells sure it's expensive as hell but hey, what writer/movie director/lawyer doesn't make serious cash? Unless they suck? Which I'll make sure I wont. Because New York City is MY place. And I'm GOING.
D) I miss Sarah ;_; We don't ever text or e-mail. *Sniffle*
E) RAPTOR JESUS. LOOK IT UP. RIGHT NOW. BUT NOT ON BING. BING'S STUPID.
F) Life is good. Life is very good. Still boring as all hell sometimes, but it's getting better and better every day. I'm counting on that =)